Sunday, July 20, 2014

Crazy as a loon!





Retail is extremely unpredictable.  I've only been in this for 4 years, but other folks along the avenue have been here longer, some over 25 years and they all tell me the same thing: "Just when you think you've got it figured out, it all changes!"

In a seaside town, cloudy or rainy days are GREAT days.  Sometimes.

Today was a bit cooler and overcast all day.  I was pretty sure I'd be busy all day, but I had a rush in the morning, a lull in the afternoon and then another rush in the late afternoon.

During one of my lulls, a woman rushes in and asks:  "Do you have any flip flops?"

She was a bit unkept and both of her knees were bandaged.  The bandage on her right knee was falling off revealing a nasty scab.

"No, I am sorry I don't."  I answered.

"Oh, ok.  Do you know where I can find some?"

I named a shop down the street that I know carries specialty flip flops, but she was looking for simple flip flops so I told her there was a dollar store down the street that I am sure carries them.

She picked up one of the handmade stuffed animals that one of my artists made and said: "Oh, he's cute!  Do you have any stuffed cats?  I'm into cats."

Hmmmmm...really?  I never would have guessed.

Unfortunately I was out of the stuffed cats, but I showed her some other little "cat" items I have in the shop.  She picked out one and then said:  "I was an fine art major with a strong focus on art history."

"Oh wow, very nice!" I replied.

"Guess who my favorite artist is?  I bet you can't guess."

Well gosh, how many artist have there been through the ages...yeah, you're right I probably can't guess.

"Picasso."  I said.

"No...guess again!  He's an amazing artist and heeeee's Flemish."  She held her hands up and wiggled her fingers in my face.

Oh boy...this is fun.

"Van Eyck?" I guessed because it was the only Flemish painter I could remember.

"Ha, ha....NOPE!"  She widened her eyes and flashed me a creepy smile.  "It's Bruegel!  I just love him and that painting "Hunters in the Snow" beautifully painted."

I was busy trying to recall my Art History that I took years ago and came up with nothing so I just nodded and smiled.

"Who is your favorite painter?" She asked me.

"Hieronymus Bosch."  I answered.

"Ohhh..."The Garden of Earthly Delights", yeah, yeah that's a good one.  You know what it's about don't you?"

"Sin!" I said back to her.

"That's right...and you can name them right?  All of those sins." and she wiggled her fingers in front of my face again.

"Did you see that movie with Brad Pitt about sins?"  She asked me.

"Yes." I said.

"You know what happens to the wife right." 

"Yes, I know." 

"That's what happens when you sin." and wiggled her fingers in my face yet again.

She pointed to her knees and said: "Do you know how this happened?" 

I just shook my head because the guessing games were starting to get on my nerves.

"I was trying to cross a busy 4 lane highway and I ran and fell.  One time it took me 30 minutes to cross that highway." 

"Ouch!" I replied to her and thinking to myself please leave now. 

"Yeah, hurt pretty bad but "The Fireman" in the car patched me up good."  She pointed outside and I half expected to see a fireman.

"I brought my paints with me so I can paint the BIG MOON from the beach."  and once again I got the finger wiggling.

"I don't think you'll see a moon tonight, it's a bit cloudy." 

"Well next month is a big moon and then you know what happens in September right?" 

Ugh...another freakin' question. 

"The harvest moon right?" I asked.

"Right you are!  It's gonna be really big too!"

I was spared the finger wiggling this time thank goodness.

"Well I better go, "The Fireman" is waiting for me out in the car and he gets very impatient."

"Ok...take care." I said.

After she went out the door I wiggled my fingers at her.






Friday, July 18, 2014

The Girl with the Butterfly Eyes


She walked into the shop with a little boy on her hip.  He was about 2, sporting a little Mohawk. 

Her eyes went directly to the art that is currently on display.  The artist Patricia Arroyo from Asbury Park, NJ does a whole series on the The Palace Amusements and Tillie.

Tillie - by Patricia Arroyo

 
Along with Tillie, Patricia's also paints various clowns and the woman was just staring at them.
 
"Are you enjoying the art?" I asked her.
 
She walked over to me, sort of in a daze...she kept looking at the clowns.  I thought perhaps that she is one of those people who are afraid of clowns, but they don't usually stare at them.
 
"My father was in the circus all of his life", she told me.  "He just passed away recently.  When I was a little girl I used to dress up as one of the clowns and paint ....butterflies.....around....my.....eyyyyyyyyyyyesssssssssss."  She drew out the words like she was in a trance.
 
"I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, but how cool that you got to be a clown!"  I said trying to snap her out of her trance.
 
She snapped her head around to look at me in the eye and said: "After he died, I looked everywhere for a little girl clown with butterfly eyes.  I looked....and I looked and then one day....there it was!!!"
 
 
All of a sudden she became very animated!
 
"I was so excited!  I couldn't wait to get it!  Do you want to see it?"  She asked me in a rather manic manner.
 
Now, I'm thinking it's on her back or shoulder...maybe her stomach so I said "Sure!" 
 
She maneuvered the little boy to the opposite hip and then she reached down and unbuttoned her shorts and pulled them down to her knees exposing not only a little girl clown with butterfly eyes on her thigh, but also a black thong and more flesh than I cared to see from a complete stranger.
 
"Oh wow, how about that.  Very nice!"  I replied...what the hell am I supposed to say to someone who just strips in front of you?
 
"It's not finished yet", she said as she struggled one handed to pull up her shorts while still holding the boy on the other hip.  "I still have some more coloring to do."
 
"Oh...OK.  It will look great when it's all done."  I replied slowly back to her as I watched her struggling to pull up her shorts that were a bit tight.
 
It was obvious that she was going to need two hands to accomplish this task.  She put the little boy down and before she could say anything to him, he darted towards the front door.  She followed him with her shorts down to her knees where I was treated to more flesh and a thong that disappeared into it. 
 
She managed to snag him about 10 feet from my front door, but every time she let go and tried to pull her shorts up he would run again. 
 
I'm thinking this woman is about to run out my door, chasing her son with her shorts down to her ankles and people are going to start wondering what kind of store I have here!!!
 
Finally she gave him a stern warning and he stayed put long enough to put herself back together again. 
 
You can't make this stuff up!